Even in the midst of all the wedding planning, we have not lost sight of the fact that our home state of Maryland is one of the few states in the country where marriage equality still hangs in the balance. In the last week, my home state of Maine as well as the great state of Vermont signed marriage equality bills into law. Yet, if we went to one of those states and were legally married, Maryalnd wouldn’t recognize it.
Most of the guests at our wedding are heterosexual – in fact, we only have one other gay couple attending. Those folks take for granted the legal protections that marrying their partner of choice affords them. In fact, there are over a thousand legal protections automatically granted by state and federal governments the moment that a heterosexual couple ties the knot. Just a few of those include tax benefits, the right to visit an ill partner in the hospital, the rights to make funeral arrangements for a deceased spouse, and community property ownership protections. For a full list and more information about the inequality that still exists, visit the Equality Maryland website.
Our wedding day is one of the few changes that we will have to ask our friends and family to reach out to legislators on our behalf. Though we don’t want our ceremony to become a stump speech, we have decided to have postcards printed with our name and picture, pre-addressed to our governor and printed with the following message.
Dear Governor O’Malley,
I am writing you in support of my friends. Although they cannot be legally married in their home state of Maryland, today I attended an intimate ceremony in which these two women pledged their lives to each other. I am pleased to be a part of their life together. My friends are among thousands of Marylanders who are waiting for their state to take action and provide legal status for their relationship. Despite the joy of their celebration today, they are still strangers under Maryland law. On this happy day, I ask you to work towards marriage equality for my friends.
Sincerely yours,
(your name)
We feel that this is an opportunity to softly encourage our friends and family to work towards a cause that’s important to us. This fight will be won in incremental steps, and educating your friends and family about the discrimination that same sex couples face is an essential part of what’s needed. Be bold, and do the same.
Showing posts with label gay marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gay marriage. Show all posts
5.10.2009
3.14.2009
the invites
We are making progress! Tonight, we ordered our invitations. Even though we went through a GLBT site (www.gayweddings.com), we were surprised to find that every step of the ordering process was totally, totally hetero. We even had to specify which line the bride’s and groom’s name were on. The site did have a disclaimer that the vendor they use had “typical” wedding wording, but we just thought that they could have done better. After all, we really try to spend our money with vendors that support our community.
Overall, we really thought that outvite.com had the best choices, but they were just so expensive that we went with the first site. Even so, who knew that 25 invitations would set you back $250? (And that’s half the price at outvite!) It appears that quantity is the key here – the more you buy, the less they are. Well, that’s what we get for wanting an intimate ceremony. We pay for the big boondoggle anyway.
Speaking of invitations, let me tell you that writing them is hard. First, you have to page through nearly a hundred font choices, ranging from ones that look like they have been written in crayon to fonts used by King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. Then, you have to figure out what to say. And let me tell you, there are some truly abhorrent choices out there. Check these out:
Yuck! Are people really using these horrible verses?
Overall, we really thought that outvite.com had the best choices, but they were just so expensive that we went with the first site. Even so, who knew that 25 invitations would set you back $250? (And that’s half the price at outvite!) It appears that quantity is the key here – the more you buy, the less they are. Well, that’s what we get for wanting an intimate ceremony. We pay for the big boondoggle anyway.
Speaking of invitations, let me tell you that writing them is hard. First, you have to page through nearly a hundred font choices, ranging from ones that look like they have been written in crayon to fonts used by King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. Then, you have to figure out what to say. And let me tell you, there are some truly abhorrent choices out there. Check these out:
The end of this millennium is only the start
of a lifetime of sharing the love in our hearts!
We invite you to be with us as we begin our new life together ….
- OR -
Pressing the vision into our hearts, the day we no longer live apart.
One love to share, a dream come true, the day we vow to say "I do"
You're invited to the wedding of ….
- OR -
A perfect shell is a gift from the sea
as beautiful and unique
as our love is meant to be
Please join us ….
-- and my personal favorite –
His love is the sunshine that keeps me warm
To me, she's the rainbow after the storm
His love gave me wings it has set me free
And wherever she is that's where I want to be
of a lifetime of sharing the love in our hearts!
We invite you to be with us as we begin our new life together ….
- OR -
Pressing the vision into our hearts, the day we no longer live apart.
One love to share, a dream come true, the day we vow to say "I do"
You're invited to the wedding of ….
- OR -
A perfect shell is a gift from the sea
as beautiful and unique
as our love is meant to be
Please join us ….
-- and my personal favorite –
His love is the sunshine that keeps me warm
To me, she's the rainbow after the storm
His love gave me wings it has set me free
And wherever she is that's where I want to be
We invite you to be with us as we begin our new life together ….
Yuck! Are people really using these horrible verses?
2.02.2009
the declaration
After yesterday's diatribe, I thought maybe I had better keep it short today. While websurfing (is that one word or two?) offbeat bridal sites, I discovered the BEST marriage declaration. I think we'll ask our officiant to pronounce us wed with the following:
“By the power unlawfully seized by me in defiance of the State of Virginia's homophobic laws prohibiting marriage equality, it is my great pleasure to declare you MARRIED!"
Whatcha think? Special thanks to the Offbeat Bride website for ideas and inspiration.
“By the power unlawfully seized by me in defiance of the State of Virginia's homophobic laws prohibiting marriage equality, it is my great pleasure to declare you MARRIED!"
Whatcha think? Special thanks to the Offbeat Bride website for ideas and inspiration.
2.01.2009
the legal thing
Besides the normal sort of wedding questions, the one thing that people keep asking us over and over again is, will it be legal in Virginia? The answer, sadly, is no.
Virginia is an extraordinary inhospitable state for gays and lesbians, with blatant anti-gay laws on the books. More than the so-called "traditional" marriage statutes recently adopted by a number of states nationwide, Virginia's anti-gay statute is unusually -- and deliberately -- broad, purposefully written to prevent unmarried persons of the same sex from entering into any "union, partnership or other legal status similar to marriage."
At its broadest, this law could be twisted to prevent two people of the same gender from owning property or drafting power of attorney protections: the legal documents that allow us, for example, to visit each other in the hospital. The legal ramifications are still being forged, but many gay couples have decided that they don't want to spend their time living in fear, and are leaving the state. (Check out an article in the Washington Post about the gay exodus). A shame, really, because gays and lesbians contribute disproportionately to the state's tax base and I hear they could really use the revenue.
So, why should you care, if you're not gay? Well, the Virginia vendetta is not simply limited to gays and lesbians: the law could also be used to prevent, for example, me from purchasing property with a friend or one of Jen's sisters to start a business. Is it just me, or does that seem a bit intrusive?
There are currently only two states provide for full-fledged gay marriage: Massachusetts and Connecticut. The liberal Northeast, god bless 'em. (I would move to either state TOMORROW if I could convince Jen.) In addition, though New York does not issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples they do recognize gay marriages performed in other states. California, sadly, recently overturned the state's same-sex marriage law with the hard-fought Proposition 8 ballot measure in the November 2008 election. Although the disgusting "Yes on 8" campaign deliberately spread misinfomration and employed old-school scare tactics reminiscent of the McCarthy era, most analysts agree that the ballot measure passed due to the unusually high turnout of African American voters. Among Democrats, black voters are disproportionately anti-gay marriage. Ironically, all those people who voted for Obama's change campaign also set back the clocks for same-sex couples in California.
Other than the four states mentioned above, a few others also offer legal benefits for same-sex couples either in whole or in part: Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, New Jersey, Oregon, Washington, and the District of Columbia. (If you're interested in learning more, visit HRC's page on marriage and relationship recognition.) Our home state of Maryland is one of only a handful of states with no definitive statute on the books, either preventing or legalizing gay marriage. In 2006, a long and painful Supreme Court case decided that Maryland could not recognize a civil union performed in another state. So, now the issue is in the hands of our legislature. For such a reliably blue state, this is extremely disheartening. We may be the only state in the country with Democratic majorities at all levels of state government who has not yet addressed this issue. I'm still trying to decide whether this is because our elected officials are impotent or ignorant. Or both?
But back to the question at hand: no, our union would not be legal in Virginia. But it wouldn't be in Maryland either, at this point, so we feel that we can celebrate wherever we damn well please. And I guess I want to raise the question of my straight, married friends: did you only get married for the legal status? I mean, did you look into your lover's eyes and say, "Yes, I'll marry you because I really want to have access to your social security benefits when you tap out"? Come on. The legal protection is nice (and LONG overdue for same-sex couples, I might add), but the real purpose of a wedding is to share your joy and commitment with family and friends.
So, that's what we'll be doing on May 23rd. It's just a bonus that we get to flip bigoted ol' Virginia the bird at the same time.
Virginia is an extraordinary inhospitable state for gays and lesbians, with blatant anti-gay laws on the books. More than the so-called "traditional" marriage statutes recently adopted by a number of states nationwide, Virginia's anti-gay statute is unusually -- and deliberately -- broad, purposefully written to prevent unmarried persons of the same sex from entering into any "union, partnership or other legal status similar to marriage."
At its broadest, this law could be twisted to prevent two people of the same gender from owning property or drafting power of attorney protections: the legal documents that allow us, for example, to visit each other in the hospital. The legal ramifications are still being forged, but many gay couples have decided that they don't want to spend their time living in fear, and are leaving the state. (Check out an article in the Washington Post about the gay exodus). A shame, really, because gays and lesbians contribute disproportionately to the state's tax base and I hear they could really use the revenue.
So, why should you care, if you're not gay? Well, the Virginia vendetta is not simply limited to gays and lesbians: the law could also be used to prevent, for example, me from purchasing property with a friend or one of Jen's sisters to start a business. Is it just me, or does that seem a bit intrusive?
There are currently only two states provide for full-fledged gay marriage: Massachusetts and Connecticut. The liberal Northeast, god bless 'em. (I would move to either state TOMORROW if I could convince Jen.) In addition, though New York does not issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples they do recognize gay marriages performed in other states. California, sadly, recently overturned the state's same-sex marriage law with the hard-fought Proposition 8 ballot measure in the November 2008 election. Although the disgusting "Yes on 8" campaign deliberately spread misinfomration and employed old-school scare tactics reminiscent of the McCarthy era, most analysts agree that the ballot measure passed due to the unusually high turnout of African American voters. Among Democrats, black voters are disproportionately anti-gay marriage. Ironically, all those people who voted for Obama's change campaign also set back the clocks for same-sex couples in California.
Other than the four states mentioned above, a few others also offer legal benefits for same-sex couples either in whole or in part: Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, New Jersey, Oregon, Washington, and the District of Columbia. (If you're interested in learning more, visit HRC's page on marriage and relationship recognition.) Our home state of Maryland is one of only a handful of states with no definitive statute on the books, either preventing or legalizing gay marriage. In 2006, a long and painful Supreme Court case decided that Maryland could not recognize a civil union performed in another state. So, now the issue is in the hands of our legislature. For such a reliably blue state, this is extremely disheartening. We may be the only state in the country with Democratic majorities at all levels of state government who has not yet addressed this issue. I'm still trying to decide whether this is because our elected officials are impotent or ignorant. Or both?
But back to the question at hand: no, our union would not be legal in Virginia. But it wouldn't be in Maryland either, at this point, so we feel that we can celebrate wherever we damn well please. And I guess I want to raise the question of my straight, married friends: did you only get married for the legal status? I mean, did you look into your lover's eyes and say, "Yes, I'll marry you because I really want to have access to your social security benefits when you tap out"? Come on. The legal protection is nice (and LONG overdue for same-sex couples, I might add), but the real purpose of a wedding is to share your joy and commitment with family and friends.
So, that's what we'll be doing on May 23rd. It's just a bonus that we get to flip bigoted ol' Virginia the bird at the same time.
1.28.2009
114 days and counting
This is the story of two little girls getting hitched ... and I mean, to each other. Lesbian and gay weddings are hardly news these days: though many Americans are conflicted on the idea of gay marriage, same-sex couples are flocking to the chapel (or synagogue, or non-denominational house of worship, or Vegas drive-thru, or handfasting ceremony, or ...) in record numbers. Legal or not, we're ready to proclaim our committment to one another.
Despite middle America's queasiness, Hollywood and wedding vendors are on board. There are literally hundreds of websites out there to assist us with this quest, and everybody wants our money. And why not? Our demographic is an attractive one: we're highly educated, dual-income households with few dependents and loads of disposable income. Vendors that have historically catered to straight couples have found that they can cash in on the gay dollar without much extra effort. In a bad economy, we're the wedding industry's white whale.
-- but more on that later --
As I start this blog I wanted to introduce us by saying that, after more than six years together, my partner and I have decided to board the wedding train. We currently live in Maryland (both transplants from colder states that usually vote Democratic), but we've selected a lovely little town in Virginia to host our wedding festivities. Culpeper is a beautiful, Civil War era town with a charming main street brimming with luscious shops and gourmet restaurants. It's also home to one of Jen's four sisters, with whose family we spend a lot of time. So it wasn't much of a leap to choose their beautiful home as our wedding location.
Although we embrace Northern Virigina as part of the DC metropolitan area, most of us liberals find the rest of Virginia ... well, sort of .... scary. It's kind of like the back of your coat closet: there are things in there you haven't worn in 10 years, and you keep thinking of throwing out. Having spent most of my adult life in urban areas, planning our wedding in the country has opened my eyes to bigotry and homophobia that I had forgotten existed. This blog is partly a reflection on that, and partly just a chronicle of the zaniness involved in planning any other American wedding.
Oh, and PS: In the spirit of full disclosure, I feel that I should mention that I am an event planner by trade. Yes, I spend my days babysitting egomaniacs and b-list celebrities, and I'm really pretty good at it. But planning AN event and planning YOUR event are two different things. So, let's see how this goes.
Despite middle America's queasiness, Hollywood and wedding vendors are on board. There are literally hundreds of websites out there to assist us with this quest, and everybody wants our money. And why not? Our demographic is an attractive one: we're highly educated, dual-income households with few dependents and loads of disposable income. Vendors that have historically catered to straight couples have found that they can cash in on the gay dollar without much extra effort. In a bad economy, we're the wedding industry's white whale.
-- but more on that later --
As I start this blog I wanted to introduce us by saying that, after more than six years together, my partner and I have decided to board the wedding train. We currently live in Maryland (both transplants from colder states that usually vote Democratic), but we've selected a lovely little town in Virginia to host our wedding festivities. Culpeper is a beautiful, Civil War era town with a charming main street brimming with luscious shops and gourmet restaurants. It's also home to one of Jen's four sisters, with whose family we spend a lot of time. So it wasn't much of a leap to choose their beautiful home as our wedding location.
Although we embrace Northern Virigina as part of the DC metropolitan area, most of us liberals find the rest of Virginia ... well, sort of .... scary. It's kind of like the back of your coat closet: there are things in there you haven't worn in 10 years, and you keep thinking of throwing out. Having spent most of my adult life in urban areas, planning our wedding in the country has opened my eyes to bigotry and homophobia that I had forgotten existed. This blog is partly a reflection on that, and partly just a chronicle of the zaniness involved in planning any other American wedding.
Oh, and PS: In the spirit of full disclosure, I feel that I should mention that I am an event planner by trade. Yes, I spend my days babysitting egomaniacs and b-list celebrities, and I'm really pretty good at it. But planning AN event and planning YOUR event are two different things. So, let's see how this goes.
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