the linens

On the surface, finding ten matching tablecloths for a garden party wedding doesn’t seem like such a chore. After all, you can pretty much buy those at any department store, right? Well, I have spent the better part of the last two weeks COMPLETELY bogged down in tablecloth hell. Let me tell you a few things that I’ve learned.

First off, standard table linens to do not come in a 120” round size. This is the size you will need if you are using standing (“high top”)cocktail tables and you want the linens to touch the floor. Which you will, because rental tables are made out of industrial plywood can PVC pipe.

Second, you as just a regular old person cannot purchase from a restaurant linen vendor. Even if, like me, you are an event planner. Yeah, you have to actually be a restaurant.

Third, its possible to rent linens through the mail, which seems quite baffling to me. Apparently, it works something like this: you slap down your credit card and presto! a box of linens arrives in the mail. You use them and then ship them (dirty!) back to the vendor, who washes them and ships them out again to the next customer. I guess it’s sort of like Netflix but with much larger envelopes. But here’s the rub: you have to select your linens for this very special occasion based on one-inch square images on the internet. So, you’re not really sure what exactly you might be getting.

And finally, no matter what you think, fabric is expensive. You might think you could buy it cheaper and make them yourself, but, really, you can’t.

falling behind

I realized this week that we are only three months out from THE BIG DAY, and our planning seems to have stalled. As an event planner, you would think that I would have a good handle on all the things that still need to be done, but it’s all in my head because I just haven’t had time to make a list. We better get out butts in gear, I do think.

What we have done in the last several weeks is created a space plan for the actual ceremony itself. We’ve ordered tables and chairs, strung wire above the pool to hold paper lanterns, and purchased candles from every website imaginable. Gee, I guess we actually HAVE been getting things done. Thank goodness.

dessert tasting, part 3

It stands to reason that a post titled "Part 3" should come after two similarly-titled posts. But, well, we've been tasting wedding desserts since Christmas and this blog just doesn't go back that far. So here's a synopsis of what's happened so far:

1. Decided we didn't want a wedding cake (boring, and too traditional)

2. Learned it's hard to find a caterer who's interested in a 30-person, desserts-and-champagne reception on Memorial Day weekend.

3. Decided to have luscious mini desserts from a local bakery in lieu of a cake.

4. Spent an entire day dragging Kelly and Ron between Culpeper and Charlottesville to explore bakeries that we found on the internet. Found:

• One scary, rural bakery run by a god-fearing* Italian grandmother, who didn't understand why we were both getting married on the same day. (*I know this because there were Bible verses on the wall. Lots of them.)
  
• One small-town bakery that makes brownies and cookie squares in any type and flavor imaginable, but no cakes.
  
• One bakery that had practically nothing in the case. Strange. Didn't bother much further
  
• And one bakery with luscious pastries and cakes.
  

5. Ate samples from all these places, and made ourselves sick.

6. Decided, after all that, that the cake was really better after all.

7. Ordered a cake from Albemarle Baking Company. You can check them out online.

8. Still want to serve mini desserts, to go with the cake. Decided to get them from Whole Foods. Its just easier that way.


So, we've been eating sweets for, oh, two months now. NOT that I am complaining: truthfully, I love cake and desserts of all types. Jen, not so much, so I eat her share too sometimes. We've already tasted these goodies from Whole Foods:

• Mini key lime pie: nice and limey, but too dense and a little sandy. Not sure if this is how key lime pie is supposed to be, never having eaten one before. I'd vote no.
  
• Mini chocolate pie: too rich, like eating dark chocolate fudge. The mousse was better.
• Mini fruit tart: fresh fruit over a custard filling. Yum, good.
• Mini walnut pie of some sort: couldn't really figure this one out, but it was OK I suppose.
• Mini eclair: not too much flavor, but not offensive. A maybe.
  

Okay, now you're up-to-date. Last night, we tested out miniature chocolate mousse cups in chocolate shells, and mini cannoli from the Whole foods pastry shop. Success! Both were delicious, and we will add these to our list of possibilities.

delivery day

I got a shipping notification from UPS this morning that my dress is on the truck for delivery. So, hopefully tonight I will know whether I am still in the market for a dress or whether I can move onto the next stages of planning. Stay tuned …

the declaration

After yesterday's diatribe, I thought maybe I had better keep it short today. While websurfing (is that one word or two?) offbeat bridal sites, I discovered the BEST marriage declaration. I think we'll ask our officiant to pronounce us wed with the following:

“By the power unlawfully seized by me in defiance of the State of Virginia's homophobic laws prohibiting marriage equality, it is my great pleasure to declare you MARRIED!"

Whatcha think? Special thanks to the Offbeat Bride website for ideas and inspiration.

the legal thing

Besides the normal sort of wedding questions, the one thing that people keep asking us over and over again is, will it be legal in Virginia? The answer, sadly, is no.

Virginia is an extraordinary inhospitable state for gays and lesbians, with blatant anti-gay laws on the books. More than the so-called "traditional" marriage statutes recently adopted by a number of states nationwide, Virginia's anti-gay statute is unusually -- and deliberately -- broad, purposefully written to prevent unmarried persons of the same sex from entering into any "union, partnership or other legal status similar to marriage."

At its broadest, this law could be twisted to prevent two people of the same gender from owning property or drafting power of attorney protections: the legal documents that allow us, for example, to visit each other in the hospital. The legal ramifications are still being forged, but many gay couples have decided that they don't want to spend their time living in fear, and are leaving the state. (Check out an article in the Washington Post about the gay exodus). A shame, really, because gays and lesbians contribute disproportionately to the state's tax base and I hear they could really use the revenue.

So, why should you care, if you're not gay? Well, the Virginia vendetta is not simply limited to gays and lesbians: the law could also be used to prevent, for example, me from purchasing property with a friend or one of Jen's sisters to start a business. Is it just me, or does that seem a bit intrusive?

There are currently only two states provide for full-fledged gay marriage: Massachusetts and Connecticut. The liberal Northeast, god bless 'em. (I would move to either state TOMORROW if I could convince Jen.) In addition, though New York does not issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples they do recognize gay marriages performed in other states. California, sadly, recently overturned the state's same-sex marriage law with the hard-fought Proposition 8 ballot measure in the November 2008 election. Although the disgusting "Yes on 8" campaign deliberately spread misinfomration and employed old-school scare tactics reminiscent of the McCarthy era, most analysts agree that the ballot measure passed due to the unusually high turnout of African American voters. Among Democrats, black voters are disproportionately anti-gay marriage. Ironically, all those people who voted for Obama's change campaign also set back the clocks for same-sex couples in California.

Other than the four states mentioned above, a few others also offer legal benefits for same-sex couples either in whole or in part: Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, New Jersey, Oregon, Washington, and the District of Columbia. (If you're interested in learning more, visit HRC's page on marriage and relationship recognition.) Our home state of Maryland is one of only a handful of states with no definitive statute on the books, either preventing or legalizing gay marriage. In 2006, a long and painful Supreme Court case decided that Maryland could not recognize a civil union performed in another state. So, now the issue is in the hands of our legislature. For such a reliably blue state, this is extremely disheartening. We may be the only state in the country with Democratic majorities at all levels of state government who has not yet addressed this issue. I'm still trying to decide whether this is because our elected officials are impotent or ignorant. Or both?

But back to the question at hand: no, our union would not be legal in Virginia. But it wouldn't be in Maryland either, at this point, so we feel that we can celebrate wherever we damn well please. And I guess I want to raise the question of my straight, married friends: did you only get married for the legal status? I mean, did you look into your lover's eyes and say, "Yes, I'll marry you because I really want to have access to your social security benefits when you tap out"? Come on. The legal protection is nice (and LONG overdue for same-sex couples, I might add), but the real purpose of a wedding is to share your joy and commitment with family and friends.

So, that's what we'll be doing on May 23rd. It's just a bonus that we get to flip bigoted ol' Virginia the bird at the same time.