Even in the midst of all the wedding planning, we have not lost sight of the fact that our home state of Maryland is one of the few states in the country where marriage equality still hangs in the balance. In the last week, my home state of Maine as well as the great state of Vermont signed marriage equality bills into law. Yet, if we went to one of those states and were legally married, Maryalnd wouldn’t recognize it.
Most of the guests at our wedding are heterosexual – in fact, we only have one other gay couple attending. Those folks take for granted the legal protections that marrying their partner of choice affords them. In fact, there are over a thousand legal protections automatically granted by state and federal governments the moment that a heterosexual couple ties the knot. Just a few of those include tax benefits, the right to visit an ill partner in the hospital, the rights to make funeral arrangements for a deceased spouse, and community property ownership protections. For a full list and more information about the inequality that still exists, visit the Equality Maryland website.
Our wedding day is one of the few changes that we will have to ask our friends and family to reach out to legislators on our behalf. Though we don’t want our ceremony to become a stump speech, we have decided to have postcards printed with our name and picture, pre-addressed to our governor and printed with the following message.
Dear Governor O’Malley,
I am writing you in support of my friends. Although they cannot be legally married in their home state of Maryland, today I attended an intimate ceremony in which these two women pledged their lives to each other. I am pleased to be a part of their life together. My friends are among thousands of Marylanders who are waiting for their state to take action and provide legal status for their relationship. Despite the joy of their celebration today, they are still strangers under Maryland law. On this happy day, I ask you to work towards marriage equality for my friends.
Sincerely yours,
(your name)
We feel that this is an opportunity to softly encourage our friends and family to work towards a cause that’s important to us. This fight will be won in incremental steps, and educating your friends and family about the discrimination that same sex couples face is an essential part of what’s needed. Be bold, and do the same.
5.10.2009
5.02.2009
the flowers
Like everything else we’re planning, we wanted our flowers to be simple and classy. We had decided long ago to go with white orchids: I want to wear a few in my hair, and Jen recently decided on a flower lei to complete her look. Since we are only three weeks out from our big day, you can tell that I have left this important detail to the last minute.
I wanted to order our flowers online, but that’s a scary undertaking – I have sent flowers online before, with mixed results: sometimes they are too small, not what you expected, or the wrong color altogether. I carefully researched wholesale online florists, and came up with two possible options. The Grower’s Box and Fifty Flowers. Both sites have good prices for large quantities of multiple stems, and both feature pre-mixed “Wedding in a Box” kits that come with your choice of main flowers plus supporting cast members. Both sites require that wedding orders be placed at least 10 days in advance – actually, I was considering a pre-made bouquet from Fifty Flowers but apparently those need to be ordered about a month in advance.
It was a difficult choice, but I found some negative reviews of Fifty Flowers online so I decided to go with Grower’s Box. The prices at the Growers Box were slightly higher, but overall I felt more comfortable with their site and glowing customer testimonials. Grower’s Box prices include shipping, too, which is great for budgeting.
I wanted to order our flowers online, but that’s a scary undertaking – I have sent flowers online before, with mixed results: sometimes they are too small, not what you expected, or the wrong color altogether. I carefully researched wholesale online florists, and came up with two possible options. The Grower’s Box and Fifty Flowers. Both sites have good prices for large quantities of multiple stems, and both feature pre-mixed “Wedding in a Box” kits that come with your choice of main flowers plus supporting cast members. Both sites require that wedding orders be placed at least 10 days in advance – actually, I was considering a pre-made bouquet from Fifty Flowers but apparently those need to be ordered about a month in advance.
It was a difficult choice, but I found some negative reviews of Fifty Flowers online so I decided to go with Grower’s Box. The prices at the Growers Box were slightly higher, but overall I felt more comfortable with their site and glowing customer testimonials. Grower’s Box prices include shipping, too, which is great for budgeting.
4.27.2009
more on the freaking dress
So, it appears that not all bridal shop seamstresses are created equal. After purchasing my dress online, I took it to my local bridal shop to have it taken in. I guess I didn’t realize that I had to follow up with these people to make sure that they actually altered the dress in a way that would fit me.
I left my dress at the Columbia Bridal Boutique for a good five weeks, and was shocked to find out when I went to pick it up that the seamstress had apparently sewn the bodice on her Play-Skool sewing machine. Not only was it still too big, she hadn’t even removed the trimwork to take it in. Really, now, that job I could have done myself. To add insult to injury, the shop owner – who was clearly irritated that I hadn’t bought my dress there in the first place – gave me hell for not coming in wearing the proper undergarments. As if switching bras is going to make three cup sizes worth of difference? Apparently “professional” is somewhat of a moving target at the Columbia Bridal Boutique. Just in case you missed it, The Columbia Bridal Boutique is NOT recommended, ladies.
After that, I decided I better find someone less self-righteous to fix this mess. I visited the Kimberla’s Bridal Boutique in Culpeper, where store owner Kimberla had too many jobs lined up to take mine but gave me a few leads. Special thanks to her for helping me out in my time of need, dress purchase in her store or not.
The second seamstress said she could maybe fit me in between Revival on Friday night and her cousin’s first sermon on Saturday afternoon. I thought I better find another option, and fast. The third seamstress was sympathetic and horrified that a bridal shop would do such a butchery on my dress. I went to her little townhouse for a quick fitting and she assured me in her Indian lilt that she could fix it. The best part of all is that it would only cost me ... wait for it ... twenty-five dollars. Well, hallelujah, saints be praised. I damn near fell over in shock. There are really some things to love about small towns.
Back in two weeks to pick it up. Stay tuned.
I left my dress at the Columbia Bridal Boutique for a good five weeks, and was shocked to find out when I went to pick it up that the seamstress had apparently sewn the bodice on her Play-Skool sewing machine. Not only was it still too big, she hadn’t even removed the trimwork to take it in. Really, now, that job I could have done myself. To add insult to injury, the shop owner – who was clearly irritated that I hadn’t bought my dress there in the first place – gave me hell for not coming in wearing the proper undergarments. As if switching bras is going to make three cup sizes worth of difference? Apparently “professional” is somewhat of a moving target at the Columbia Bridal Boutique. Just in case you missed it, The Columbia Bridal Boutique is NOT recommended, ladies.
After that, I decided I better find someone less self-righteous to fix this mess. I visited the Kimberla’s Bridal Boutique in Culpeper, where store owner Kimberla had too many jobs lined up to take mine but gave me a few leads. Special thanks to her for helping me out in my time of need, dress purchase in her store or not.
The second seamstress said she could maybe fit me in between Revival on Friday night and her cousin’s first sermon on Saturday afternoon. I thought I better find another option, and fast. The third seamstress was sympathetic and horrified that a bridal shop would do such a butchery on my dress. I went to her little townhouse for a quick fitting and she assured me in her Indian lilt that she could fix it. The best part of all is that it would only cost me ... wait for it ... twenty-five dollars. Well, hallelujah, saints be praised. I damn near fell over in shock. There are really some things to love about small towns.
Back in two weeks to pick it up. Stay tuned.
4.23.2009
the first dance
I doubt that we are alone in our anxiety about dancing that special first dance at our wedding. But, I daresay that we ARE the first same-sex couple that has taken dance lessons at the local Arthur Murray Dance Studio in our hometown. Last night was our first lesson, and I am delighted to report that everyone at the dance studio couldn’t have been sweeter to us. I let the receptionist know that we were two girls when I called to schedule, so our instructor, Diana, was all smiles and ready for us.
The biggest decision we had to make all night was which of us would dance the lead (typically the guy part) and which of us would follow (typically the girl part). Originally, I said I would lead but when I realized that only the follower gets to twirl around, I changed my mind. In our first lesson, we learned the basic step for the foxtrot and the rumba. We did bring a couple of songs with us, which apparently is a great idea if you are taking lessons for a specific occasion.
Our package includes private lessons as well as group lessons. One initial concern was that people often change partners during the group lessons – we didn’t want that to be uncomfortable for us or for others. The receptionist assured us that their clientele are “not drama queens,” and that she doubted anyone cared either way. So, I’ll keep you posted.
Polish up your dancing skills, people – we are going to tear up the floor!
The biggest decision we had to make all night was which of us would dance the lead (typically the guy part) and which of us would follow (typically the girl part). Originally, I said I would lead but when I realized that only the follower gets to twirl around, I changed my mind. In our first lesson, we learned the basic step for the foxtrot and the rumba. We did bring a couple of songs with us, which apparently is a great idea if you are taking lessons for a specific occasion.
Our package includes private lessons as well as group lessons. One initial concern was that people often change partners during the group lessons – we didn’t want that to be uncomfortable for us or for others. The receptionist assured us that their clientele are “not drama queens,” and that she doubted anyone cared either way. So, I’ll keep you posted.
Polish up your dancing skills, people – we are going to tear up the floor!
4.19.2009
appetizer tasting
I guess it seems like all we do lately is eat and drink, in preparation for the big day. Actually, that’s sort of the truth. Two weekends ago, we invited some friends over to try out some of the appetizers that we are considering serving for the wedding.
We hadn’t intended on preparing our own food; in fact, we tried to organize both a catered affair and an offsite dinner with poor results. We’ve contacted four caterers, none of whom are interested in s 30ish person gathering on Memorial Day weekend. I guess we are the small fish in town, so to speak. So, we decided that we could do some of the legwork ourselves and get tasty things from local stores. We started out at our local warehouse store, where you can buy nearly anything frozen and wrapped in puff pastry. But the choices weren’t exciting and, once you add in the $50 membership fee, the prices really aren’t that swell either.
Our next stop was the yuppie standby: Trader Joe’s. We love TJs for everything from frozen food to unusual boxed goods. It’s less stressful than the real grocery store and can get you over the midweek hump with just a few quick dinners. So, we scavenged the frozen food section and came up with six possible appetizers.
* Pastry Bites: Ham & Cheese Puff Pastry
* Pastry Bites: Feta & Caramelized Onion
* Raspberry & Brie Phyllo
* Chicken Won Tons
* Onion/Carrot Tempura Nests
* Lemongrass Chicken Stix
We asked each of our tasters to rate these items on a scale of 1 (awful) to 5 (super great!) for each of the following criteria:
* Appearance,
* Crispness,
* Savoriness, and
* Overall tastiness.
Our chef also rated them on ease of preparation. Finally, we evaluated the cost per piece (number of pieces in the package divided by the total cost). After much eating and talking, the clear winners and the appetizers we will be serving are the Raspberry & Brie Phyllo and the Feta & Caramelized Onion Pastry Bites. The brie was hands-down the clear winner, with the highest marks in 3 of the 5 categories. These results were surprising, because from the looks of the items on the package we thought that we were going to love the tempura nests (“mushy”) and the lemongrass chicken sticks (one taster said these “tasted like Lemon Pledge”).
Here’s the chart of our overall results. Special thanks to our volunteer tasters!
We hadn’t intended on preparing our own food; in fact, we tried to organize both a catered affair and an offsite dinner with poor results. We’ve contacted four caterers, none of whom are interested in s 30ish person gathering on Memorial Day weekend. I guess we are the small fish in town, so to speak. So, we decided that we could do some of the legwork ourselves and get tasty things from local stores. We started out at our local warehouse store, where you can buy nearly anything frozen and wrapped in puff pastry. But the choices weren’t exciting and, once you add in the $50 membership fee, the prices really aren’t that swell either.
Our next stop was the yuppie standby: Trader Joe’s. We love TJs for everything from frozen food to unusual boxed goods. It’s less stressful than the real grocery store and can get you over the midweek hump with just a few quick dinners. So, we scavenged the frozen food section and came up with six possible appetizers.
* Pastry Bites: Ham & Cheese Puff Pastry
* Pastry Bites: Feta & Caramelized Onion
* Raspberry & Brie Phyllo
* Chicken Won Tons
* Onion/Carrot Tempura Nests
* Lemongrass Chicken Stix
We asked each of our tasters to rate these items on a scale of 1 (awful) to 5 (super great!) for each of the following criteria:
* Appearance,
* Crispness,
* Savoriness, and
* Overall tastiness.
Our chef also rated them on ease of preparation. Finally, we evaluated the cost per piece (number of pieces in the package divided by the total cost). After much eating and talking, the clear winners and the appetizers we will be serving are the Raspberry & Brie Phyllo and the Feta & Caramelized Onion Pastry Bites. The brie was hands-down the clear winner, with the highest marks in 3 of the 5 categories. These results were surprising, because from the looks of the items on the package we thought that we were going to love the tempura nests (“mushy”) and the lemongrass chicken sticks (one taster said these “tasted like Lemon Pledge”).
Here’s the chart of our overall results. Special thanks to our volunteer tasters!
the shoe nightmare, continued
After about an hour of shopping online, I have three possible shoe candidates. These are NOT one of them, but I just had to share so others could experience the insanity. Really, who pays $549 for sandals?
http://couture.zappos.com/n/p/dp/49382250/c/180887/g/women/s/13.html
http://couture.zappos.com/n/p/dp/49382250/c/180887/g/women/s/13.html
the shoe nightmare
It appears that I am now on the quest for something impossible. We are having our wedding outdoors, and all I really want is a pair of fancy flip flops. Nothing crazy. They need to be flat – heels are too difficult on the lawn – and I’d like something with just a little bling. Since the stores are bursting with spring shoes, I thought this would be a cinch. Yet I have now officially been to literally every shoe store in my mall (and it’s a pretty big mall), Target, Kohl’s, Rack Room, Maurice’s, Famous Footware, and a smattering of boutiques, all with no luck. I’ve found regular old beach sandals, about seven thousand styles of gladiator sandals (ew), strappy high heels, wedges, plain thongs, sports slides …. well, you get the picture. The one store that I thought might work for me doesn’t carry shoes in size 11. Of course.
So, the search continues. I think I will now try my friends at Zappos.com, an online shoe store with free shipping on all orders and also free shipping on returns. If you have any leads here, let me know!
So, the search continues. I think I will now try my friends at Zappos.com, an online shoe store with free shipping on all orders and also free shipping on returns. If you have any leads here, let me know!
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